Skip to main content

Put Your Marriage in Jeopardy!


It’s polar vortex season which means it’s a nice time or year to stay inside. The idea of a few days bundled up indoors used to be daunting or carry the risk of boredom, but thanks to streaming video I now have access to just about every movie or TV show that’s ever been made. The hours can go by surprisingly quickly.  Shows these days are so engrossing it’s easy to zone out.  My wife and I turned on Netflix’s RUSSIAN DOLL and I think the only thing we said to each other during the entire four-hour run of the first season was when I turned to her after episode one and said, “So we’re staying up late to finish this?” and she replied, “Duh.”    We’ve watched a lot lately.  RUSSIAN DOLL (Netflix, A+++), FOREVER (Amazon, C), I’M SORRY (TruTV/ Netflix, B+) THE GODFATHER (HBO, fell asleep), OCEAN’S EIGHT (HBO, fell asleep), 20TH CENTURY WOMEN (Amazon, A++++). It’s easy to snuggle, mesmerized, engrossed, sitting in silence and slowly drifting apart. 
            Enter JEOPARDY!, the phrase your answer in the form of a question quiz show which dates back to the sixties but debuted in its current form, with its current host, in 1984. When I first saw it was available on streaming, I scoffed. What kind of nerd is gonna watch reruns of Jeopardy when there’s a new TRUE DETECTIVE?  Then I came home one day and saw my wife watching it.  So, I sat and watched with her.  It wasn’t long before we were blurting out answers.  The questions were fun.  We learned things and tt was nice to have my memory of things affirmed without looking them up on my phone. In fact, I realized, I was almost never looking at my phone.  We had a blast making fun of contestants and dunking on Alex Trebek for being a douche.  Suddenly we weren’t just staring at a screen, engaging with a constructed reality telling a fictional story which took weeks to produce, we were actually interacting with each other.  We were laughing hysterically, the kind of deep in your gut, can’t breathe laughs you don’t get from entertainment, no matter how high of a grade it gets. It was like game night without the hassle of scheduling and hosting an event. If you’ve fallen into the wintertime rut of silently sitting next to your loved ones while you all stare at a screen, maybe it’s time to put your marriage in JEOPARDY!    

Comments

More Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dad...

Solitary Man (and also two other people, I guess)

As a man, I value my alone time; as an academic, solitude is integral to my scholarship; and as a writer, you can’t be in here right now, I’m closing the door and putting a 25lb kettlebell in front of it, I’ll be out in a couple hours, bye!  There’s a Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on which Jerry Seinfeld jokes his first words weren’t “mama” or “dada;’ rather, they were, “leave me alone!” I’ve never agreed with another human being more.  When I say, “I want to be left alone,” it’s a cry for help, and the help I need is for you to get lost. It’s a miracle I ever found a partner who understands. Thankfully, my wife values the work I produce in my alone time, so she's as understanding as a person can be when i tell her to scram. My isolation solution has been hampered considerably by the addition of baby. My baby is a brand new person who requires constant attention; more than that, she’s reliant on my wife and me to teach her everything. Since she would not exist on thi...

Been Meaning to Update this Site...

Been meaning to update this site, it’s just I woke up last September to find the dog had crapped on the rug so my wife and I set to work cleaning that up with water and vinegar and that smelled terrible then the baby woke up and needed her diaper changed and didn’t exactly smell great and she got very upset when there was a picture of Minnie Mouse on her diaper instead of Doc McStuffins so I calmed her down and got her dressed and my wife took her to daycare while I went to yoga then took a shower and tried to do the dishes but the disposal was broken so I called the repair guy Steve and made an appointment then got an email from my dad soliciting a list of grievances I have with him – he thought maybe I’d have 25 of them – so I wrote that salivating and contemplating and what I sent was whimsical and empathetic and downright kind yet he complained it was too mean even though he asked for a list of grievances and all I want is for him to take some basic accountability for being woefu...

Down With the Sickness

My baby got all these medieval ailments.  So far she’s had croup AND hand, foot and mouth diseases -Trixie’s a real Renaissance woman!   Obviously it’s hard on us when she’s sick because it requires a great deal of extra work. Our lives, which we've grown accustomed to being run by the tyrannical rule of a baby, are now subject to the dictatorial whims of millions of microscopic germs. Their rule is marked by torrents of tears and floods of diarrhea. If she's really sick or running a fever, to free ourselves from the rule of these despotic, scatological germs we have to seek the help of medical institutions.  Doctors, nurses and insurance companie s allegedly exist for the sake of public welfare despite the fact that dealing with them usually makes me want to blow my brains out.  When Trixie was diagnosed with croup, our pediatrician, who we really like, prescribed exactly three (3) doses of the steroid Trixie needed. Not one drop more, not one drop less. She ...

Aging

I know I have to get older but does it have to happen so slowly? Everyday brings some new aspect of my mind or body which functions a little less effectively than it did the day before.  The suspense of seeing what’s gonna break down next is what’s really killing me.